THE WORLD — Christians, Jews and Muslims this morning were shocked to read God the Almighty’s latest Facebook status, which reads as shown below:
Almost immediately, tens of thousands of comments poured in seeking clarification and begging Him not to go.
“Where are you going, Lord???” Phyllis Peterson wanted to know.
Her comment was followed by one from Vince Leroma, who wrote, “Don’t leave us! My family and I (as you know) are in hard times and we will be praying later. I pray you will hear us,” followed by one from Alison Pfeffer, who wrote, “Wait, you’re taking off? What if I, like, get into a car crash or something later? : ( ” and Carlos Deguzman, who wrote, “Yeah, boi! Get ya shit done, playa!”
These were followed by over two billion ensuing responses echoing a growing anxiety — in some cases panic — over the future of our eternal souls.
“This is the most troubling news we’ve seen on Facebook since that time ‘God is now single’ popped up in our news feeds,” Father Imus Saudomis, a local Philadelphia Roman Catholic priest, said in an interview with McOwlerson. “I wept openly when I saw that God was no longer in a relationship with the Pope. And now he’s skipping town? I tell my flock that it’s simply a test, something to strengthen our faith. I hope they don’t figure out that if God’s not around, there’s no point in keeping the faith. What will stop men from sinning then?”
God’s Facebook page has long been one of the most popular pages on the social media site, boasting around 3.6 billion online friends. To view God the Almighty’s page, go to http://www.facebook.com/godthealmighty/profile.php?id=5749omnipotence7776.