Obama Launches New ‘Dragon Lair’ Initiative to Fix Economy

Courtesy of UnorthodoxY via Flickr

WASHINGTON — In a scheme to kick-start the dead-in-the-water U.S. economy, President Barack Obama today approved an operational plan to scour the world for dragons — known from folk legends as being hoarders and guardians of great treasures — and their lairs.

With this new initiative, Obama plans to search out these reclusive beasts and pilfer their treasure hoards; the spoils will then be distributed to the people in yet another much needed stimulus package.

“We will leave no stone unturned, no ocean unsubmarined, no foreign country unmolested. Yes, that means you, Great Britain. We will carry out this mission with the deaf determinedness of true Americans,” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said at a White House press conference.

“The creatures will not be harmed,” Carney added in response to an objection from a PETA representative present at the conference. “We’ve entered into an agreement with John Hammond of INGEN, who has agreed to house them in a zoological theme park currently under construction in the San Diego area of California.”

Carney also spoke briefly of a “Jack Sparrow” initiative currently in the works in which more U.S. resources would be allotted to search for the long lost treasure trove of Isla de Muerta.

Disney representatives declined to officially comment on the matter, but seemed worried the president may have a misconception or two about the fictional nature of the Pirates of the Carribean movies.

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