Joe Buck Discovered To Be Android

Image courtesy of Wikipedia.

GREEN BAY, Wisc. — International handsome man and sports broadcaster extraordinaire, Joe Buck, was yesterday discovered to be a work of artifice when, while on his way down from the FOX broadcasting booth after Sunday’s NFL playoff game between the New York Giants and the Green Bay Packers, he suffered a catastrophic programming malfunction and froze mid-stride.

According to a passing intern, the artificially manufactured man remained stiff and still in the hallway while tendrils of smoke twirled to the ceiling from his left nostril. Distressed at Buck’s smoking nostril and never-blinking eyes, the intern immediately dialed 911.

The responding paramedics reported further strangeness upon closer examination, including pants soaked with a black liquid later identified as battery acid, a gross weight of 350 lbs, despite the man’s smallish stature and lean build, and a faint clicking sound, at first thought to be his heartbeat, but later surmised to be the bass beat to FOX’s FOX Sports music theme. Buck’s nose continued to expel smoke well into the night, and the faint stink of burnt rubber was ever-present on Buck’s statuesque form, the paramedics said.

The machine formerly known as Joe Buck was expeditiously taken to St. Vincent Hospital under a heavy police escort and news of the incident was kept hush-hush due to the already heightened and widespread fear of a 2012 robot apocalypse.

“We’re going to dissect it to determine what kind of android we could be dealing with,” a police source said, speaking under anonymity. “Knowing whether it’s like Star Trek’s ‘Data,’ Aliens’ ‘Bishop,’ AI’s…Haley Joel Osment character, whatever his name was, or worse, Terminator’s Terminator — knowing what we’re dealing with could give us a big leg up on whatever might be coming.”

Questions concerning when the real Joe Buck was replaced, if there ever was a real Joe Buck, how an android could have kids, whether he was programmed by a New York sports fan and how an android could be so full of itself are currently being asked and have yet to be adequately answered.

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